September 4, 2018

It was Saturday morning when Zoe’s Aunt Joan took her last breath. I feel weird saying Zoe’s Aunt because she meant so much to me as well. When the news came, both of us felt our hearts break and knew our lives would never be the same again.  Joanie was one of those people who made a difference in your life. She was the first person in the family to welcome me with open arms. In my last conversation with her, she said, “I am so glad Zoe found you.” It seemed a bit out of character for her then, and even now, but the love and peace in those words continues to minister to me and I know will for time to come.

This whole weekend has been sad as we were also informed of the death of a 20 year old student where I teach. I have come to expect death and passing, but that does not mean I like it. As I have talked about death with friends, they have shared memories of how even years later something will trigger their grief and bring back memories of someone they love. A friend of mine shared that sometimes she just breaks down in tears over the passing of a 17 year old that was near and dear to her heart. One thing we have all agreed on is that none of us grieve the same way. This weekend Zoe has just wanted to read. I, who normally fills my day working through piles has just wanted to cry and sleep.

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It has been a while since I have written here, Life has been full and I have had to make decisions about removing some things from my plate periodically. I also hate writing when I have nothing to say and lately. It has not been that I did not have anything to say, but for some reason I had told myself I needed to write about the spiritual practice of the month and not just write.

So this morning as I sat and twirled the spaghetti squash around my fork I found myself thinking about how interconnected everything is and how transformative a vegetable can be. Yesterday what I was eating was a whole squash. Then I cut it in half, scooped out what was not usable, roasted it, and then this solid mass of squash began coming out as spaghetti as I ran my fork through it. It is not so much what I did with it afterwards that intrigued me, but the process of transformation which spoke to me.

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September 9, 2014

Long before I was ever exposed to the book of Galatians in the New Testament, I had heard the saying “you reap what you sow.” I have come to understand that there is a truth behind this saying. Recently, someone shared with me that it was important for people to tell their torch song, that woe is me song, that somebody done me wrong song. I told them that the only thing that needed to happen with the torch song is that it needed to be torched. See when we sow our torch song and focus on all that we think is wrong with our lives, what we reap are more things that are wrong with our life.

Conversely, when we focus on the positives and the blessings in our lives, then we reap more of those in life. One of the things I have learned is that we really do reap what we sow. If I am going to sing any song, it is going to be my praise song, my what I have overcome, what I have to be grateful for, how blessed I am song. What I have come to realize in my life is that it is this positive energy, attitude, and momentum, which carries me through.

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Finding my way to empty

August 9, 2013


It is always a confirmation for me when I am reading or learning something and realize I have been following those steps intuitively, not even realizing this was part of a process. The other day, for example, I found myself in a space of emotional pain because of something that had been said to me and it bothered me that I had allowed it to cause me pain. I could hear my mantra in my head, telling me to empty myself of the pain and allow it to be refilled by happiness. So I began by journaling about the situation, talking about it with a few people, and slowly realizing that what I need in my life is safety and security, which stems back to being given up for adoption when I was born. That understood, the dukkha (a Buddhist term for suffering) disappeared, and in its place was this sense of joy and relief.

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